What's in an Average Cafe
by Pathetic4HeadedMassOfTentacles
Summary: Alfred works at Cafe May, a rather odd cafe with even weirder customers. Of course with a cafe with sometimes deadly costumers and a boss with too many secrets, and the new guy not knowing the cafe's odd attraction, what can possibly go wrong? Rating might go up.


This is my first Hetalia fanfic, and an AU at that, which is weird considering I usually hate AU fanfiction but whatever, I really don't care.

Note, I have a list of crack pairings on my profile so please vote, I need a tie breaker, if I don't get this in by the end of the month, please forget about this message, or… just vote on the next one, whatever

Note, I won't make Italy act like such a coward, why? Despite I love Feli, he can be pretty damn annoying to a point were I want to yell "Damnit Feli, grow a damn pair.'

Double note: To make things more fun, my psychopath OC's will be coming in, like Peachy the Sadist (Yes, she's my OC)

* * *

Alfred gasped when he heard his alarm clock go off, ripping him out of his dreamland, he ripped himself from bed, realizing he actually managed to sleep through ten minutes of him alarm and that he was gonna be late. "Oh crap!" He yelled, launching himself out of his comfy bed and got his work outfit. Rushing downstairs and getting his coffee in his little portable mug he got because he was to lazy to get a cup from the cupboard. He rushed out the door, no time for breakfast as he raced to his car. "Man, May is gonna be so mad at me for coming in late."

Luckily, this was his fist late in a month, she didn't hold grudges for tiny things like him being late because she knew shit like that was gonna happen. He turned on the car and sped out of his driveway, none the less he didn't want to make her angry.

…

By the time he was on the road, the sun trolled him and shined right in his face, along with his eyes being really heavy and sensitive to the rising sun. He also realized the coffee he made was a day old and tasted like crap. He couldn't drink this, so he had to go without coffee till break time.

To make matters even work, when the sun stopped shining in his face he saw that he was about to run his boss and his co-worker, Feliciano over. He managed his stopped just in time before killing his boss and friend.

H knew he was gonna catch hell fro May, he sighed when he heard her tiny hand tap on his window, along with being short; she was rather young, somehow managing to open a damn café. He rolled down the window to look at May, who was giving him that death look.

"Alfred, I was having a pretty damn good morning until you had to come along and nearly run my ass over." May growled, Alfred sighed.

"Sorry May, the sun was in my eyes and." Alfred tried to explain, May cut him off.

"Not now, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit, just get to work or something."

"But…"  
"Just do whatever you do in the morning, alright, damnit, I need to pick up a nice drug habit, and I wonder why I stopped drinking." May mumbled as she walked away, Feliciano still had a smile on his face, Alfred wondered how he was so happy half the damn time. Alfred got out of his car and walked in the store with Feliciano (I'll probably call him Feli half the time)

May was already gone when they entered the little café, as always and might never been seen again for the rest of the day, Alfred sighed, working here wasn't the greatest.

Feli got to work, restocking the display case, Alfred didn't do much, but was made to come in early anyway, and his job was basically to handle people who came in early for coffee and the occasional breakfast scone. Which Alfred wished she would take off the menu, but she liked scones, well, the ones with chocolate and tasted better then the plain ones?

…

An hour later, everyone was there, Francis, the one who usually did the cooking. Kiku and Ivan, the waiters, the day started out slow, with a few people coming in for coffee, the usual one came in. Arthur, Kiku went up to him, knowing that he wasn't very fond of Ivan.

The first person in was a new person, a woman and a young girl who looked rather scared, the woman had a scar on her face and a trench coat and her hair cut short like someone from one of Kiku's anime and with an odd hair color to top it off, the girl next to her had long blond hair and normal clothes that any girl her age would wear.

Kiku didn't want this one, Ivan was smiling like always, when he saw the two sit down, he was always happy to see new faces (and think about crushing them later), he went up to the two, he saw the girl shaking. The woman looked at him with a rather sinister gaze in her eye. Ivan was unfazed by this.

He handed them a menu but the woman held her hand up, "Just two coffees." She growled. Ivan nodded, "Would she like anything?" he pointed towards the girl. Who yelped as soon she found out he was referring to her and nodded.

"No! I just need coffee!" She said as if she was forced to say it or the woman would kill her.

"Stop cowering!" The woman yelled in a thick Russian accent, slamming her fist on the table, the others heard this and looked over at them, even May. "Stop acting so weak, it's not like I'm holding a gun to your head."

The girl muttered something under her breath.

"What was that!?" She yelled, the child yelped inching back in her chair.

"Nothing!"

"That better be the case." She said, "We came here so you would calm the hell down, not so you could act like a baby." She said, Ivan was still there, unaware to the woman.

"So is that all?" He said, distracting the woman who was ready to kill the girl and sat down, sighing and running her hand through her hair, "Shit." She muttered, "Yeah, that's all." She glared at the girl, who recoiled again. Ivan chuckled and walked away with his smile still in place. They were lucky no one walked in on that scene, or they saw it and didn't walk in the store.

May walked out of her office, and when she saw the green haired woman, she ran back in her office without saying a word. Alfred was the only one who saw this, and might ask her about this later.

"Wow, Ivan." Kiku remarked, "You managed that rather calmly."

Ivan looked at Kiku and nodded, "I have been working here longer than you, I've seen worse scenario's, it gets kinda fun seeing people in different moods." He said, and walked away.

Kiku was gonna take this one, he decided to see what Ivan was talking about, Alfred sighed, it was sad working here. It seems like most of the people are psychopaths, the ones who come here. Alfred's eyes wandered back to the woman with green hair, a prime example. He felt a tap on his back; he looked over, seeing Ivan.

"Aren't you gonna get the girls coffee?" He asked, Alfred nodded, getting up and getting their coffee.

"Shit…" May growled, slamming her head on her desk, "I hope that crazy bitch didn't see me,"

Alfred handed the two cups to Ivan, who took them and walked to the two girls, and the girls' shaking hasn't stopped. Ivan gave no fucks as he handed the girls their coffee.

"Here you two go." He said and the girl still shook uncontrollably.

"Aw, you remind me of Ravis." Ivan said jokingly at her, the girl gasped when she saw the woman's eyes light up at the comparison.

"Don't make fun of her." The woman growled, the girl reached out for her.

"Please, don't cause trouble Vera." She said quietly.

"Hey now, you two shouldn't be fighting, after all, she's only a girl." Ivan said, the girl shook her arms back and forth at him with her teeth bared and a worried look in her eyes, "Please, stay out of this!" She whimpered, the woman known as Vera didn't take note of this, instead now infuriated with Ivan to even care. Then out of nowhere sighed, sitting back down and trying to calm her.

The girl laughed nervously and looked at Ivan, "I'm sorry, she's just been having a really bad week, for both of us, actually." She forced a smile; Vera slammed her head on the table and told him to leave. Ivan nodded, leaving the two alone.

Kiku walked up to Ivan, "How do you?"

"I love seeing these types of things." He said and walked away, Kiku still didn't know these things worked out, a lot of crazy stuff happened here.

Alfred saw the next one walk in, he worked the counter so he waited to see if he would come up, a two men, they didn't seem like the average person, they wore suits that looked like only rich men in their fifties can afford. Alfred smiled; maybe he could get money off this. He noticed something though, the girls seemed scared, even Vera looked worried, and was rushing to get out her wallet, no, he would take care of this later.

"And, what can I get for you?"

"Coffee, black." He said, Alfred nodded.

"Be right back," He said, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vera grab the young girls hand and run out of the store.

The men gasped, "Shit…"

"What is it?' Alfred asked as he filled the Styrofoam mug with coffee.

"Nothing." He muttered.

Alfred knew that he was lying. He chuckled, placing the lid on both coffee mugs and grabbing a muffin from the display rack.

He knew something was up, he handed the coffee and pastry over to them, "Sugar and milk is over there." Alfred pointed at the stand by the wall; they paid, for a moment Alfred thought they weren't.

"What's wrong, Alfred?" Feli asked.

"Nothing bro." Alfred laughed, "Just think something weird is going on."

"Life is weird!" Feli laughed

* * *

I know, I might be getting Alfred a bit OOC, like I said, my first Hetalia and AU fanfic, it is the first chapter anyway  
Fun-fact: Vera is based off a character I made in Saints Row


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